Fear

Bad news today. My biopsy results came in, and they don't look very good.

Hairy cells still make up 5-10 percent of the bone marrow sample. That's a remission, but only a partial one, and not a very good one at that.

Next stop, another visit with Dr. B on March 3. We'll discuss whether to do a round of rituxan, or whether to wait and watch for symptoms. Usually rituxan is a series of 4-8 weekly treatments. Each infusion takes a few hours. Side effects can be very serious.

At times like this — as if I'd ever had a time like this before — it helps me to remember the Litany Against Fear, from Dune:

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.