Endgame?

Too soon to declare victory.

But since I started acupuncture treatments, 12 days ago, I've had no headaches to speak of. (Well, I did have one, but it felt more like a hangover from taking a muscle relaxant at 3:30 AM.) Tension in my face and jaw slowly diminished. That's still hanging around, but at a low level, doesn't distract me much now and seems a bit lighter every day. Teeth mostly stopped hurting, too.

I had three followup appointments, 3-4 days apart. Yesterday the acupuncturist declared my case closed, except for a tuneup in 2 weeks.

Also, no drugs at all now, except nortriptyline for chronic insomnia. (If you read the link, don't freak out — my dose is only 15 mg, not enough to trigger the increase in suicidal tendencies that can accompany this drug when it's used as an antidepressant at 50-100 mg. And I had the insomnia long before HCL.)

One of my colleagues wrote:

I know about headaches, had them for 1.5 years every day. It was hard; I even talked to my own headache, as if it was a person controlling me. At some point, however, it disappeared, slowly. And when it was gone, I even missed it, strangely enough. I asked where are you? Of course, it was a blessing to live without it again. I hope you will find the same grace. I wish you love, strength and courage.

I know what he means. Mine lasted from the beginning of December until the middle of March. Three and a half months. You have no idea how good it feels to be able to just say Fine, thanks when somebody asks me how I'm doing. Pain makes very boring conversation.

Yesterday I spent 7.5 straight hours in social situations — meetings, a talk, a dinner. Wasn't sure I'd make it, but I did. Three weeks ago I couldn't go out at all, could hardly talk to my family, had to keep going off to lie down and try to relax my face. The slightest facial expression felt like the Nazi dentist from Marathon Man testing his drills on my head. When that's happening you think it will never stop. Thought I'd ruined my teeth. Started imagining living with dentures at age 50. Began contemplating a permanent headache, daily pain, a lifetime of pureed food — somehow accommodating to that. Somebody else I know has had more or less constant pain for a decade or so, from neck and back problems. I can't imagine how she survives it — much less taking the time to read this blog and write me sympathetic emails. Where does that come from?

The last few days have been almost like normal. Almost like before leukemia. Not quite. That one's not so easy to forget. And I'm still a bit nervous about the headaches coming back. If I go a month without them, I might get ready to drop my guard.